Getting Back on Track

I'm finally, finally approaching the end of what will hopefully be the hardest semester of my graduate school experience. As my workload begins to ease up a bit (and, if I'm being honest, the amount I care begins to dwindle), I'm trying to pick up the pieces and figure out how I got off track and lost sight of the very simple goal I set for myself this year. I'd like to say that I'm trying, but a lot of days... I'm not. I just do what I have to do, and not always very happily (if you asked B, he'd probably tell you that I've been whining - a lot). So.

So I'm making some changes. My usual traipsing about the internet gave me an unusual amount of inspiration, and I've decided to:

1. Start my second attempt at a Whole30 - the first time I only made it to around day 20. (inspiration found here and here)
2. Return to exercising. And not a moment too soon, because the PMC will be here before I know it. (inspiration found here, here, and here)
3. Revamp my efforts to practice gratitude. (inspiration found here, here - especially beginning at 5:30- and here)
4. Give up tv. Because this was me:

   

   via someecards

I'll let you know how it all goes.

Things will get better.

Because some days I just need a little reminder...

Vacation

Vacation highlights: squishy baby cheeks and gummy smiles, Degas' sculptures and the French collection at the Glyptotek, cake at La Glace, browsing the Royal Copenhagen store, duck confit and delicious cheese from Torvhallerne. Oh, and sister time, of course!

Shifting Perspectives

"We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are."

-Anais Nin

Cloudy Day at Big Muddy National Wildlife Refuge by Steve Hillebrand

I have had a rocky start to the semester. I am not loving most of my classes. Although the academics are rigorous in terms of quantity, I haven't been feeling challenged intellectually by the program (wah wah, right?). I'd like to say that I responded to the situation by challenging myself, finding ways to independently examine the material in greater depth. However, I panicked instead. I began doubting my decision to return to school, questioning my career path, and wondering if life wouldn't be easier (and I wouldn't be happier) if I just chose to spend my life doing something different/easier. (I'll admit, it's a bit of a dramatic response to being cranky about homework and bored in class.) Although reconsidering my choices is not necessarily a problem, I'm not sure that I'm asking myself the "right" questions.

There's been a pattern lately in the shows I'm watching and the blogs I'm reading. I've been thinking a lot about how to create more meaning in my life, how to pursue minimalism and live more intentionally (and I'm hoping to create a record of the journey here). As I struggle with making these changes, it's easy to view the roadblocks as external, thinking, "If I found the perfect job, living a meaningful, happy life would be easy!" Or, "If I didn't have to spend so much time studying, I would be much happier and I could easily simplify my life." However, the changes I need to make are internal. The question I should be asking myself is, how can I change my perspective to be content with things as they are now?

So I am searching for a way to shift my perspective, to alter the way I view the world. Easy, right? Ha.

Do you ever get caught up in the "I'll be happy when..." trap? What do you do to sort things out?

Finding Inspiration in the Unlikeliest of Places

U.S. Navy photo by Journalist 1st Class Andrea J. Leahy

Over vacation I stumbled upon this show. It was love at first episode. The scenery is so beautiful that I was ready to pack my bags and head to Alaska. As a student, I spend a lot of time inside sitting at a desk, and it is easy to forget about all of the adventures and beauty waiting right outside of my door courtesy of mother nature.

I'm pretty sure that I'm not actually cut out for the homesteader/subsistence lifestyle, but, for me, the show is a great reminder to be thoughtful about the many conveniences of modern life and how they affect my perspective and choices everyday. While I may not share all of the Kilchers' priorities, they have certainly provided me with inspiration for mindfully creating a life that aligns with my values.

Are there any tv shows or movies that have served as inspiration in your life?

Resolutions - The Obstacle is the Path

For a long time it seemed to me that real life was about to begin, but there was always some obstacle in the way. Something had to be got through first, some unfinished business; time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. 

~Bette Howland

I love resolutions. I love the idea that the new year brings with it a clean slate and so much potential. Usually, I spend a fair amount of time thinking about all of the ways the next year can be better. Considering what steps I can take to work towards being my best self. It's great -- in theory.

In reality, I end up with this oppressive idea of what my life "should" look like. I'm not sure where that picture or ideal comes from. My head? The movies? Society? Regardless, the result is that I end up focusing on what my life is not. How I fall short. The result isn't exactly a fount of motivation. Instead, I end up feeling as though I won't be content, or happy, or feel like my life has really begun until I've reached this arbitrary idea of what it should be.

So. This year I only have one resolution:

1. Practice Gratitude. To take note of all of the wonder, beauty, joy, growth, love, and happiness in my life. To push away the "shoulds" and be content with what is.

Because, afterall, the obstacles may be the path itself.

So many things are possible...

"[So] many things are possible just as long as you don't know they're impossible."

- Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth

I love The Phantom Tollbooth so much that I have two copies. One copy belongs to my father and is held together with lots of scotch tape and love. The other is a newer, annotated 50th anniversary edition. I often find myself thumbing through one of my copies when I am feeling stuck or overwhelmed by life's uncertainties. Accompanying Milo on his adventures in the Lands Beyond always provides a welcome reminder that uncertainty can be exciting. The vivid worlds brought to life within the pages of the book teach me time and again that life is about the journey. That life is filled with an endless number of opportunities and adventures if I can just remember to keep an open mind and take a few risks.

Blogging feels like a risk - deciding what and how much to share in a potentially public place is tough, and I find myself second guessing everything I write. Most likely, however, I'm babbling into the abyss and no one will read what I've written. When I think about that, I wonder, what is the point?

…

and when we speak we are afraid

our words will not be heard

nor welcomed

but when we are silent

we are still afraid.

So it is better to speak

remembering

we were never meant to survive.

 –Audre Lorde, A Litany for Survival

Ultimately, I have decided that "it is better to speak." 

I often find myself caught up in the the past or worrying about the future. I hope that writing here will help me to slow down and appreciate the struggles and joys of the day to day.

How do you decide what to share on the internet? Do you have any favorite books that you turn to when you are in need of an attitude adjustment?